Anonymous Letter: To “National Deed Service”

Dear National Deed Service:

In the age of spam and selling of false hopes, it’s a distinct honor and privilege to receive an actual snail mail letter from a business that actually has a product to sell. Having identified me as a recent home buyer, you are kind enough to provide me with the opportunity to buy a copy of my deed to the property I’ve purchased from you, a disinterested third party, rather than obtaining one directly from my local County Auditor.

On most occasions when a company offers to sell me something through the mail, it’s easily identifiable that they wish to prey on the dumb and the lazy. In this case, however, you are courteous enough to eliminate the “dumb” from accepting your offer. In large print, you tell the recipient of your sales pitch that they can go and accomplish the same thing you’re offering to do — for free!

You’ve made a business out of selling something free to the lazy — I would almost like to buy your mailing list, solely so that I can profit from their laziness as well.

However, unless you decide to sell that list, know that I’m not yet QUITE that lazy, and please refrain from offering to sell me a copy of my own marriage license, as well.

Sincerely,

X

Mr. Anonymous