GAH!
Do I tell my intern that those are my PERSONAL books and I’d rather he didn’t WRITE IN THEM, or do I just requisition replacements?
Monthly Archives:
May 2007Competency, just a bit of competency…
I came across a bit of code earlier today, and thought it was nice and creative; it uses the new lambda expression syntax to create methods that delay hooking up event handlers.
Then I discovered that this code was only necessary because the entire architecture was flawed. Now I have to go in and correct people who don’t know how to devise an actual architecture rather than a model of “new code.”
LOWER GAS PRICES!
THIS WILL REALLY WORK!
I know you’ve all received the emails telling you not to buy gas on a certain day, and you’re all well aware of how just plain dumb that is. My plan is far, far better, and is GUARANTEED to affect how much you SPEND on GAS.
The most recent spin is that you should not buy gas from EXXON and MOBIL, as they’re the two most profitable oil companies, and so we should only buy from their competitors, so that EXXON and MOBIL will LOWER THEIR GAS PRICES, and the other companies will follow suit. Supply and demand and a bit of logic puts that one to rest. My plan is even better, and punishes ALL GAS COMPANIES, and will surely SHOW THEM we mean BUSINESS!
What are you PAYING at the PUMP? In my neighborhood, gas prices are nearing FOUR DOLLARS A GALLON! Inflation doesn’t cover that much of a change! Oil companies take ANY EXCUSE to RAISE PRICES, from storm damage from Katrina to unrest in the MIDDLE EAST. However, they don’t then lower the prices when the crisis has passed.
We have to SHOW THE OIL COMPANIES WHO’S THE BOSS!
The days of EIGHTY-NINE CENT GAS may be long gone, but we can certainly aim for ONE-FIFTY A GALLON!
Here’s how!
My car takes almost 16 gallons of gasoline to fill the tank. At FOUR DOLLARS A GALLON that’s SIXTY-FOUR dollars to fill up my car. If gas prices were only ONE-FIFTY a gallon, it would only cost me $24 to fill up my TANK. I’d SAVE FORTY DOLLARS PER TANK OF GAS!
We need to show the OIL COMPANIES that we have better things to do with that MONEY.
We need to UNITE and show OUR STRENGTH.
Look at HOW MUCH YOU CAN SAVE each week on gas if it only cost $1.50 per GALLON. Get a piece of paper out and do the math. Would you SAVE THIRTY DOLLARS? Forty dollars? Is your regular commuter vehicle a personal jet, and you’d SAVE HUNDREDS?
Here’s what you should do with that MONEY YOU’RE THROWING AWAY!
Take the amount you would save per tank of gas, and send it to me. Comment below for my address. I’ll gather up all the money, and TAKE THE FIGHT TO THE OIL COMPANIES. I will PERSONALLY go and SHOW THEM how we feel, and HOW MUCH WE WANT BACK. Together, we can force them to ACTION.
LOWER GAS PRICES!
Anonymous Letter: To The Teenage Girl Who Tried to Drag Race Me Tonight
Dear Teenie Bopper:
Congratulations are in order! You apparently have a new driver’s license. With that license comes a great deal of fun, and a lot of responsibility. However, there are certain things that they didn’t teach you in driver’s ed.
First of all, my apparent air of casual disdain is not actually an attempt to seem “hip,” “cool,” or otherwise encourage you to associate with me. It’s not an air at all — I really don’t care. I’m happily married, you look twelve years old to me, and I only “pulled up alongside” you because that’s where the stop line for the traffic light was.
Second, pulling up next to you is not an invitation to race. It’s what happens at a red light. I didn’t even notice what color hair you have, whether you were pretty or not, or even if your passenger was male or female. It’s a complete accident, it might happen again, and hopefully I won’t need to write you another letter.
Third, swerving back and forth in your lane is a sign that you’re an idiot and shouldn’t be allowed to drive, not an indication of how good a time you’re having. Tell you passenger very quietly, “Whee” if you really feel the need.
Fourth, if your car’s zero-to-60 time is only measured in whole seconds, because no one cares whether it does it in 14.5 seconds or 14.6, don’t bother revving your engine at the car next to you as an invitation to race. You’ll verge on losing to a Prius, much less an actual car.
Fifth, that was my Audi that smoked your mom’s Toyota sedan without trying.
Sincerely,
X
Mr. Anonymous
Anonymous Letter: To “National Deed Service”
Dear National Deed Service:
In the age of spam and selling of false hopes, it’s a distinct honor and privilege to receive an actual snail mail letter from a business that actually has a product to sell. Having identified me as a recent home buyer, you are kind enough to provide me with the opportunity to buy a copy of my deed to the property I’ve purchased from you, a disinterested third party, rather than obtaining one directly from my local County Auditor.
On most occasions when a company offers to sell me something through the mail, it’s easily identifiable that they wish to prey on the dumb and the lazy. In this case, however, you are courteous enough to eliminate the “dumb” from accepting your offer. In large print, you tell the recipient of your sales pitch that they can go and accomplish the same thing you’re offering to do — for free!
You’ve made a business out of selling something free to the lazy — I would almost like to buy your mailing list, solely so that I can profit from their laziness as well.
However, unless you decide to sell that list, know that I’m not yet QUITE that lazy, and please refrain from offering to sell me a copy of my own marriage license, as well.
Sincerely,
X
Mr. Anonymous
At which point do I just become a subcontractor?
Apparently, it’s not enough for me to quickly debug his work, and establish where the error is, as well as provide the callstack.
I’m supposed to find the exact line of code that’s going wrong, who checked it in, why it’s wrong, what should be done, how errors are propagated…
Mashed potatoes
I was going to “cook” tonight — nothing too fancy, as it was just for myself, but I had some time available, so why not?
I started poking around the kitchen, eliminating items — I’m short a few staples, so I can’t make some dishes I’d like to — and had just about given up and defaulted to “microwave burritos” when I saw… Mashed Potatoes!
Okay, so they were mashed-potato-flakes. Not really potatoes, and definitely not yet mashed. I took ’em down, and checked to make sure I had everything… no milk. Milk goes bad, Mandrina is allergic, so we don’t tend to stock milk in the house. Okay, fine. I go to put the box in the pantry, and for a moment, just a moment, I wonder if I could use the non dairy creamer to prepare the microwave potato flakes.
Then I get the microwave burritos out of the freezer.